Generous or Diabolical Genius?

One concern my wife and I had about having our children 14 months apart would be jealousy. My son loves attention (he gets that from his daddy) and will do anything to get it. Much to our surprise he seems to really like his little sister and gets frustrated that she won't play with him even though she's only four months old.

However, over the last couple of weeks we've seen him gagging her with the straw of his water cup trying to get her to drink out of it, give her one of his oyster crackers which we didn't realize until we heard her coughing it up, and most recently I heard her crying and found him trying to brush her teeth. I know it must sound like we are unattentive parents, but, honestly these things happen in the time it takes to get something out of the refrigerator or to use the bathroom.

It's hard to know how to handle the situation because we don't want to yell at him for trying to share. And he's still a little too young to understand when we try to tell him he is hurting his sister. It's just a really awkward phase that our family is in and it's led me to believe that my son is either very generous or a diabolical genius trying to get rid of his little sister by pretending to lover her too much.

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Mother's Are NOT Human!!!

(This is what all moms look like on the inside)

I've realized something about women: during child birth when the fetus leaves the body something amazing and indescribable happens. Right about the time when the doctor tosses the slimy, still attached and bloody baby on the mother's stomach like a proud fisherman tossing his catch into a boat to get a good look at it, something changes in a woman's genetic makeup. Her DNA, like, transubstantiates its molecular structure into that of some sort of half-human, half-mutant-superhero chick. All of a sudden they know and can do everything!

"Honey, where's the glue?"

"It's in the coffee table drawer from two months ago when you tried to hide the fact that you broke the vase by unsuccessfully gluing it back together and eventually just buying one identical to it and replacing it."

How did she know about that? I'm not kidding, they become like a Shaolin Monk, completely aware of everything in their surroundings.

"Drive around to the other side of the mall. Someone is leaving and a spot will be open in the front."

"Yes, dear."

One time I realized it had been a while since my wife and I had been out on a date. I love my and appreciate my wife so much! She takes such good care of our home! But, she's always in Mommy-mode with our little boy and being pregnant with another one I noticed she could probably use a night out on the town. So being the hopeless romantic that I am I told her, "baby, get your dancing shoes on, we're going out tonight…to Applebee's…for half-priced appetizers…and we can't afford a sitter."

So, we went out with some friends and we were having a good time when suddenly our son, Judah, starts choking on a French fry. His little face started turning red and his eyes started watering. Being the man that I am, I sat there frozen in panic—it takes a little longer for the "dad changes" to take place. You know, the pot belly and receding hairline.— As calm as can be, my wife grabs him out of his seat and starts the whole "Aim him down and smack him on the back" trick. Not wanting to be rude, she is continuing to listen to the story that our friend wasn't even sure if they should still be telling at this point and she is smiling and nodding in polite conversational etiquette.

Meanwhile, she realizes the French fry is not coming out and goes into "Manual Tracheal Obstruction Extraction Mode" and reaches her fingers down his throat and pulls the deep fried piece of potato out and casually sets it on a napkin. Literally as she does this the waitress, completely unaware of the near death experience we just evaded, and my freshly soiled pair of pants, strolls up and asks, "Is everyone doing okay? Can I get you anything?" As my wife nonchalantly returns our son to his high chair she asks for another Mango Lemonade and, like nothing ever happened, restarts the conversation by asking, "So, did you go with the 5 year ARM or the 30 year fixed?"

I'm telling you, mothers are not human!

Happy mother's day to all you moms out there. Especially the ones who have admitted to reading my blog even though it's for dads! Hahaha. You're more than welcome here!

Weezer - Album 6

Well, they're back! After their 2005 release, Make Believe, Weezer is releasing their sixth album and their third self-titled. The album that will be known as the "Red Album" should be hitting stores in late June. They currently have their first single, "Pork & Beans" streaming on their website now. I must say that it sounds like the classic Weezer we've come to know and love while showcasing their growth and maturity as musicians and songwriters. Go check it out!

The 10 Commandments of Dad -- Part 2

Here's the rest of the 10 Commandments of Dad from Best Life Magazine.

By: Hugh O'Neill, Illustrations by: Alex Nabaum

VI. Thou Shalt Not Dance in Front of Your Kids’ Friends

My own father once picked us up at a junior high school dance. As usual, he was wearing his wingtip shoes and that hat he got through the mail from Ireland. As we were walking out of the gym, he actually did a few seconds of the hully-gully with a horrified Margie Costanzo. My sister Kathy still has nightmares about it. If you’ve got to dance, dance with Mom in private. Don’t embarrass everybody with your version of the Hustle.

VII. Save Your Money, Big Man

You know all those corny proverbs about pennies saved? If you’re not careful, the kids will send you to the poorhouse three dollars and twenty-nine cents at a time. Think college tuition. Think down-payment on their starter homes. Though it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, it can buy lots of other stuff. Believe in compound interest, tax-free growth. For God’s sake, champ, be ready for emergencies.

VIII. Spend Your Money, Tightwad

You see what I’m after here, don’t you? F. Scott Fitzgerald said the sign of a first-rate mind was the ability to have two opposite opinions at the same time. Never mind that he fell victim to drink. You’re a first-rate mind, Dad. Spring for the glowing monster trading cards. If you’ve got the money, pop for the musical princess crown. What are you saving your money for, pal? College? Hah! You can’t possibly save enough. There is the future, and then there is now. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.

IX. Never Go on an Amusement Park Ride with the Word `Whirl’ in its Name, Especially the Space Shuttle Whirl at Great Escape Near Lake George, New York

Even though you want to participate with the kids, to feel their gravity-defying thrill/terror/glee, you mustn’t get on that ride with them. I did in the summer of 1995, and I’ve been a little queasy ever since. It’s tough to be a good father when you’re nervous system is on the fritz. Stay on the ground and wave.

X. This is Their Life, Not a Second Chance at Yours

I can’t say it any better than one of the most eminent psychiatrists of our time, Bruno Bettelheim: "We become upset when we believe we see in a child aspects of our own personalities of which we disapprove." Bang! On the money! It’s tempting to make good on your own shortcomings through your children. Just because you didn’t make the varsity at North Salem High that doesn’t mean Stan Jr. has to. Help them follow their own path, not your road-not-taken.

XI. Love Their Mother

One extra commandment. Hug Mom. Often. In front of the kids. Sure, sometimes marriages end, but the obligation to a woman doesn’t. Be grateful to her. Speak to her with respect. Try to make her laugh. Listen. You can figure out how to love her.

When all is said and done, fatherhood comes down to this. Be big. Be small. Be quiet, make noise. Don’t dance in front of your kids’ friends. Save. Spend. Stay off the whirling ride of death. And love their mother. And maybe one other thought, courtesy of Thoreau, about our guy tendency to value the wrong tools. "The weapons with which we have gained our most important victories, which should be handed down from father to son, are not the sword and the lance, but the bushwhack, the turf-cutter, the spade and the bog-hoe." The triumphs of Dad are about tenacity, keeping on. So do whatever it takes. Stay loose. Use all the clubs in the bag. Hit the ball to all fields. Use whatever sports metaphor works for you. Just be sure to use your whole body, your voice, your memory, everything you’ve got. Whisper. Shout. Encourage. Goad. Cultivate the garden. Forgive. Be patient. Watch closely. Enjoy.

Excerpt from A Man Called Daddy, published by Rutledge Hill Press

It's funny what the author says about not going on the rides at the amusement park. My wife and I road a couple of rides too close together a few years back and I could barely drive home. I had my head on the steering wheel and ate plain toast as soon as we got home. That's when we realized that we were appraoching the twilight of our youth.

I couldn't agree more with number 11! I want my son to learn how to treat his wife by watching me treat his mom with the love and respect that she deserves. If that means grossing them out by giving her a kiss in front of them then that's an "Awe, gross dad!" that I'm willing to endure.

The 10 Commandments of Dad -- Part 1

Here's a great article from Best Life Magazine with some practical tips on fatherhood. It's kind of long, so I'll break it up into two parts. Enjoy!

By: Hugh O'Neill, Illustrations by: Alex Nabaum

I have found the fundamental laws of fatherhood. Skeptics said it couldn’t be done. Fatherhood is too complicated, they cried, to be reduced to capsule form. But the complexity only added intrigue to my search for guiding principles. After all the emotion, all the yelling, all the laughter, I have distilled the duties and demands down to a decade of Daddy dicta. Herewith, on behalf of all God’s children and the men who love them, the Ten Commandments of Dad.

I. Hey, Dad, Be Big
In spirit, that is. Despite some easing of parent gender-roles, fatherhood is still a star turn. Granted, some of that patriarchal stuff is withering, but you’re still the strongest guy in that house. That counts. Consider some of the guys who have gone before you: Father Times, The Founding Fathers, God the Father. It’s a powerful tradition. The kids expect some stature from you. You can’t give this role a walk-through. You’ve got to play it. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can choose any old vivid persona. After all, Genghis Khan was plenty vivid, and his kids didn’t have an easy time. But you can’t be a blank slate. The kids ought to know what the old man would think about this or that. You are the anvil on which they hammer out their deal with the world. Be a presence in their lives -- and their minds.

II. Hey, Dad, Be Small
Yes, this directly contradicts the first commandment. I told you, fatherhood is complicated. Don’t be so big that you suck all the air out of the room. Give your kids a little space to move around in, to test their thoughts and strengths. Take a back seat, figuratively speaking, three or four times a week. Say, "Maybe.’ Say, "I don’t know." Now and then, tell the kids you’re sorry. There are plenty of things to apologize for: anger, inattention, bad career planning, lack of whatever. Mean it. Be sorry. You’ll feel brand new.

III. Hey, Dad, Come Home
To be sure, the obligations of making a living can keep you out of the house. Lots of fathers have a day job and a night job. If that’s your situation, God bless you, pal. You’ll get no heat from me. But if you can pay the bills without working double-shift, you’ve got to be home when you can. You don’t have to be playing catch all the time or even talking to the kids. But at least, be present. Get off the golf course. Head home. Nothing good can happen until you do.

IV. Honor Thy Father and Mother
This is actually the biblical fifth commandment. It’s included here only because now that I’m one of the people getting the honoring, I like the sound of it much better than I did when I was a boy.

V. Bob and Weave, Dad, Bob and Weave
Stay light on your feet, Dad. Don’t make too many hard and fast rules. Don’t draw too many lines in the sand. This doesn’t mean anything goes; there are rules. It just means that fatherhood is an improvisation and that human hearts -- both yours and the children’s have a way with compromise. Don’t insist on having your way with the kids just because the rest of the world isn’t always overly interested in the sound of your voice. There is a difference between authority and power. Have the first; don’t abuse the second.

I think the importance of honoring your father and mother is that you teach your children to respect you by showing them that you respect your parents. Tomorrow I'll post the rest of these.

Cereal & Rice--A Match Made In Heaven

So, I realized that most of my posts on here are about my son, Judah. It's not because he's the boy and therefore my favorite. I don't have a favorite. Instead, I like the one better that is in a good mood and since that never happens on the same day the mantle of favorite child rotates. Okay, that's a joke.

But, the main reason most blogs are about my son is because my daughter isn't capable of doing much yet aside from throwing up 8 times an hour. That's no exaggeration, I actually kept track the other day!

Anyways, I'm proud to say that we fed Elli her first "solid" food the other day in rice cereal. I say put the word solid in quotations because it's technically not a solid food. Quite the contrary in fact. I had a little taste myself and would boycott that rice cereal is even a food!

Hopefully before too long she'll be able to eat more of it so that she'll stop throwing up the milk so much. You almost have to wear a smock when you hold her or else she'll nail every piece of clothing you have on!

In Whom I'm Well Pleased...

I never thought that I would be so proud of someone taking a pee in all my life. However, that emotion has now been ascribed to that act in a way that I'll never forget. No, I don't have a family member suffering from a watermelon sized prostate that managed to release a couple drops of relief. Instead, it was my son.

The other night we were playing when he grabbed his diaper, said, "potty" and ran into the bathroom. We put the special lid on for him and he started peeing. To top it all off he kept saying, "pssss pssss," mimicking the sound. It was a wonderful achievement. He has gone on the toilet a couple of times but only after we set him on it and wait a while. This was all initiated by him.

We haven't really began to push the potty training so this was a delightfully serendipitous event. Our doctor told us there's no rush on potty training and I politely reminded her that a case of diapers rivals the price of a barrel of oil nowadays! I figured out that every time we change a diaper our kids have literally "pissed away" a quarter--and that's

I couldn't believe how proud of him I was at that moment! I started to think about the different times I had felt like I made my father proud. Between winning wrestling tournaments, playing in bands, high school & college graduations, moving into full time ministry, and producing grandchildren I'm sure my dad has been proud of me. But, when I think about how I felt listening to my son's urine hit the water I realized that it doesn't take trophies, medals, or college degrees to make your parents happy. Just simply growing up brings them much joy.

When Jesus gets baptized by his eccentric cousin, Matthew 3:17 says, "And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'" This was before Jesus' public ministry began-- he hadn't done anything significant. He hadn't healed anybody, walked on water, fed a multitude, preached a sermon, ridden a camel backwards on a dare, nothing (well that last one is debatable). God was simply proud of his son for being his son and being obedient to the call on his life.

The same is true for us. All we have to do is be obedient to God and he is proud of us. It doesn't matter if you're TD Jakes or if you're just some guy named Jake. When we are in right standing with God, he looks at us and smiles just because we are his.

It was the sound of pee that reminded me of this and challenged me to make sure that my children know that I am proud of them regardless of their acheivements, but simply because they are mine.

How to Coach Your Kid

Here's an article from Men's Health that gives practical tips for coaching your kids in sports. Since it's baseball season, I thought you'd enjoy.

"Chances are good your kid isn't the next LeBron, A-Rod, or Deion, but raising a kid to love sports is priceless. As his first coach, you have a huge impact on how much he enjoys sports and likes himself. Follow these tips from Rick Wolff, chairman of the Center for Sports Parenting, and Joel Fish, Ph.D., author of 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent, so you don't screw up a kid's love of the game.

SKIP POSTGAME ANALYSIS
When the thrill or agony of the game is still fresh, he doesn't need you harping on him. The only challenge he should face: sugar or waffle cone?

PLAY UP THE POSITIVE
Find something specific-stopping a ball, not giving up on a fast break-and tell him it was worth the price of admission. "Kids want to believe parents feel proud of them," Fish says.

SANDWICH CRITICISM
If you want him to stop being a ball hog, wait until the next practice and say, "You're a great ball handler [praise], but if you could dish off when you're double-teamed [constructive criticism], you'd be unstoppable [praise with incentive]."

ASK HIS OPINION
If he stops wanting to go to practice or starts picking grass in the outfield, there could be a lot of reasons. He's the best source. Say, "Help me understand," Fish suggests. You're acknowledging the situation without claiming to have the answers or giving him the third degree.

WATCH YOURSELF
In the stands, meet with other parents and agree to call each other on offensive behavior-pacing, grimacing, arm waving. Your kid will notice this stuff, and it'll suck out all the fun he thought he was having. All you need to do is cheer."

This is some good advice. Personally I think the best point is in intro paragraph when it says that "Chances are good your kid isn't the next LeBron, A-Rod, or Deion". Dads who act like they are raising the next Michael Jordan are the male equivalent of psycho pageant-moms! It's a game; have fun!

Disciplining Things I'm Proud Of...

Today while my wife and I were eating breakfast I heard the jingling sound of my keys. Seeing as how my 3.5 month old daughter was sleeping, not to mention incapable of doing any other physical activity outside of rolling over and throwing up on her and anyone within range, I naturally rounded up the usual suspects--my son. He's 18 months old and is starting to really figure out how to get into things.

As I went to scold him for getting my keys (again) my wife noticed that he had gone into his bedroom, carried his booster step down the hall, put it in front of the console table where we keep our keys, and used it to get them. This is my biggest weakness as a dad. I have to work hard on keeping a straight face in these moments--I'm a terrible poker player. I had to make sure we reinforced that what he had done was wrong, however, I was extremely proud of the little bugger for putting that much ingenuity into it. I did the only thing I could think of: put on a grumpy face, snapped a quick picture to commemorate the achievement, take the keys away and sternly tell him not to play with them.

This has happened a few times where I am quite pleased with him for something that I must discipline him for. When he pulled one of my guitars down the hallway and insisted I play it I was moved--and mad. I still gave him the concert he asked for which probably did more harm than good, but hey, I'm only human and I have an ego that doesn't want to disappoint my fans!

The point of this story is that I'm still figuring this dad stuff out and by the time I get the hang of it I'll probably be writing a check for college. I know some other newer dads that worry a bit because they're not sure how they are supposed to handle every situation. The key is to acknowledge the areas you're weak as a parent and work at improving them a little more each day. There's no such thing as a perfect parent We all make mistakes. For me, I know I have to work on concealing what I'm thinking. Sure, when my son pushes a giant trampoline up to the side of the house and jumps off the roof I'm going to want to applaud his moxy and show him that he should pull out a tad to allow for a running start. But, instead I'm going to have to be his dad for that moment and not his buddy.

Fortunately I have some time to improve before those days and when that time comes I'll be ready because I have taken the time to evaluate myself and know my weaknesses. We cannot be too prideful to admit areas of difficulty or else we'll raise prideful little know-it-alls who can do no wrong to enhance the blameshift mentality that is so prevalent in our nation. Think about it, really be honest with yourself, and look at what you can do to grow as a dad. If you need help, ask your wife. I'll bet she has a running list going for you! Our children are worth a little self-improvement.

Judah's First Story...

(Is there a more beautiful sight than this? I think not!)

So, being the amazing dad that I am (pause for lightening bolts to strike me dead) I watched the kids for a couple hours so my wife to get away and have some alone time at Starbuck's. She is teaching a Bible study for the ladies in our church and I can attest to how difficult it is to work on those at home. My kids love music. Maybe because their dad is a musician, or because they are just awesome. Regardless, we kicked on the radio and cranked the classic rock station here in Sandpoint which is cleverly called 106.7 The Point and Judah and I started pumping our rock fists while Elliana smiled at us.

Then I got my new 5-String Fender Jazz Bass (Midnight Wine Red, thank you for asking) out and hooked it up to my Mesa/Boogie guitar amp (I don't have a bass amp yet). Since it is a GOOD amp it is naturally a TUBE amp, which means in the back of it you can see the glowing tubes pumping out good ole American Tone! As I was playing the bass line to Rapper's Delight and thinking of that rapping old lady in the movie "The Wedding Singer" my son started crying and was holding his hand. I quickly realized that he was drawn to those glowing 12AX7A tubes like a bug to a zapper. I assured him that it won't be the last time he burns himself on those since the inside of a guitar amp is the perfect place to store strings and tuners. I still do it frequently when reaching in to get something.

When my wife got home she was holding Judah on her lap and he looked at her and summarized this entire post with just three words, "Daddy...Guitar (which sounds like DooDah)...HOT!" while holding up his finger. I told Tamra, "He just told his first story!" It's amazing to see how developed an 18 month old mind can be. It also lets us know that he understands a heck of a lot more than we give him credit for and therefore can't make excuses for his tantrums. Now if I can just get him to stop untuning my guitar while I'm playing it!